Who can message me
Choose whose first chat message arrives straight away: anyone, only people you have written to, or your own list. The list is encrypted and we never see it.
A first message from someone you have never written to is an external chat. It waits at the top of your chat list under EXTERNAL CHATS until you accept it, write back, or decline it. This setting decides whose first message skips that and arrives straight away.
Nothing is ever blocked, muted, silently declined or thrown away. An external chat is still visible, still openable and still readable — it is sorted, not filtered.
The three choices
Settings › Security and privacy › Who can message me:
| Choice | What it means | Plan |
|---|---|---|
| Anyone | Everybody's first message arrives straight away. Nothing waits. | Free — the default |
| Only people I have written to | A first message from a stranger waits under EXTERNAL CHATS. | Free |
| My list, and people I have written to | As above, and the addresses and domains on your list arrive straight away too. | Private.Ki Plus |
Someone you have written to is always allowed, whatever the list says, under all three choices. That is what makes the second choice usable on its own: you never have to add the people you already talk to.
On a free account the third option and the list are a Plus feature; pressing either opens the Plus sheet rather than being hidden or greyed out.
Your list
Under MY LIST you can add two kinds of entry:
- An address —
[email protected]. Capitals do not matter, and a+tagis folded away, so adding[email protected]also admits mail she sends as[email protected]. - A whole domain —
@example.org, or any address with Whole domain switched on. This admits everyone at that domain and at every domain under it:@example.orgalso admitsmail.example.organdeu.team.example.org. - Press Add. To take an entry off again, press Remove next to it.
Up to 200 entries, addresses and domains together.
There is no list of public suffixes behind this, so nothing stops you adding something like @co.uk or @com — and if you do, it admits everything under it. Add the domain you mean, not the ending it happens to sit on.
The whole list, and your choice of the three options, is encrypted on your device before it is stored. We never see a mode, an address or a domain — see What our server sees below.
When a chat waits
A conversation that waits appears under EXTERNAL CHATS · n waiting at the head of the chat list. You can open it and read it like any other. Then:
- Accept — one tap. The sender is remembered, and everything they send from now on arrives straight away. It makes no difference whether you tap Accept or simply write back.
- Decline — the ordinary delete on a chat row, with the same undo it has always had. Declining removes the conversation from your list; it does not tell the sender anything and does not stop them writing again.
The app's own messages — the welcome chat and operator alerts — never wait. They arrive straight away whatever you have chosen.
Private.Ki has no block function, and this setting is not one in disguise. Nothing is refused at the server, no sender is told anything, and no message is discarded. If someone is abusing the service, report it under the anti-spam policy.
Decided on your device, not on our server
Your choice and your list are one encrypted record. Only your own devices can read it, so the sorting happens on your device, after the message has arrived.
Two consequences worth knowing:
- While the app is still reading the setting, nothing is filed on a guess. You may briefly see Reading your setting…; a first message is never put under EXTERNAL CHATS until the record has actually been read.
- A second device catches up on its own. Change the setting on one device and the others pick it up; a device that has not yet synced simply behaves as though nothing is waiting.
Notifications are unchanged. A message that lands under EXTERNAL CHATS notifies you exactly as any other first message does — the setting sorts your list, it does not silence your phone.
If Plus ends
Your list is kept, exactly as you left it, and your choice is kept too. It is simply not evaluated until Plus is active again: until then, people you have written to arrive straight away and everyone else is asked first. Nothing is deleted and there is nothing to rebuild.
What our server sees
Cannot see
- Which of the three choices you picked — it is inside the encrypted record
- Any address or domain on your list
- Whether a given conversation is waiting or accepted on your device
Can see
- That one encrypted record exists on your account, how large it is, and when you last changed it
- The ordinary delivery facts it has always had — who wrote to whom, and when
Common questions
Does the sender know their message is waiting?
No. Nothing is sent back, the delivery ticks behave as usual, and a declined chat looks the same to them as one you never answered.
Does this stop spam reaching me?
It changes where a stranger's first message lands, not whether it arrives. Our server-side anti-spam rules are separate and run whatever you choose here — see the anti-spam policy.
Does it apply to email too?
No. This is the chat side only. Mail is sorted by folders and the ordinary filters.
Someone I accepted is bothering me. Can I undo it?
Delete the conversation to get it out of your list. There is no block, so they can write again — and if they do, that conversation is a normal one, because you have written to them.
Does a group chat wait?
This applies to one-to-one conversations. Group invitations are handled in Invitations.
Where is the setting?
Settings › Security and privacy › Who can message me, under Receiving.